indigo heart

a confession

2012-02-10T17:19:00.000-08:00

i have a confession to make. it's a big one. and a hard one.

i suffer from depression. this is no little pat-you-on-the-head-and-it's-all-better depression. this is the big gaping maw of darkness kind of depression. i have trouble doing things, normal things, like getting up, eating, taking a shower. i've been in the psych ward three times, the last time after an overdose when i tried to kill myself. this is the kind of depression that interferes every day with my life. i look at my beads and they are calling me with the sweetest voice but the darkness says no, not today. too much to handle. i'm on medication for my depression; cymbalta and geodon. monday when i visited my psychiatrist for a regular check-in, he told me my official diagnosis. schizo-affective disorder. whoa. i looked it up on the internet. it's a depression that is major that is in conjuction with psychotic symptoms. i hear voices, see. not the 'kill them' voices, but an annoying buzzing like an out of tune radio. sometimes it sounds like a voice i can't quite understand and sometimes it sounds like music, sometimes country, sometimes rock. always bloody annoying. when i take my meds i don't hear the voices as much. a fan in the room really helps. the one voice that i can understand happens only when i'm in an empty room, and i hear my name. this terrifies me beyond all measure. it happens very rarely. generally a high amount of stress brings it on.

saying all this, and if i haven't frightened you away, i also want to say that i am so much better than i used to be. before i was on my meds, my depression was augmented with an extreme level of paranoia. i thought everybody hated me. little interactions with people left me spinning for days, thinking they had thought i was stupid and ugly and basically a waste of space. i got fat to protect myself from them. then i got help and i slowly learned that *nobody is thinking about me*. ! everyone is totally concerned with themselves. and if they do happen to notice you, it's generally thoughts like, "cute shirt," or "wow, that's great hair," or "oh, no, she shouldn't have worn that." not things like, "that is the stupidest girl on the planet," or "what a waste of space." i'm sure there are exceptions to that rule, as there are always exceptions, but people who think that kind of stuff about other people are generally the unhappiest people.

i'm now the kind of person that notices the beauty is something, the good qualities in people, the happy moments in my day. i have an amazing family that loves me even though i still have trouble every day. i have friends who love me, who i look forward to seeing and spending time with. and i have you, my lovely readers, who spur me on to keep writing and keep on making beautiful jewelry. i am very blessed. and if my days are harder than the average person's, well that's okay, too. because with this constant pain i also have received immeasurable gifts; the gifts of compassion, empathy, intelligence, loyalty, and dare i say, even a small dose of talent.

vulnerability

2012-02-02T13:47:00.000-08:00

living a vulnerable life is hard. but i'm trying to be more vulnerable. it's a place of strength, to embrace your imperfection and feel as though you are worthy of connection, that you are courageous. because one of my core beliefs is that i'm unlovable. my father taught me this through his inability to say anything positive about me. both of my parents came from a place of low self-esteem, so it's a generational stronghold. hard to break. one positive thing about believing myself unlovable is that i am deeply empathetic about other's pain. and i know i'm not alone. but i need to learn that i am worthy of love. i'll be praying about this. this is my year of transformation! i can do it!

i've started working through beth hemmila's 'lemonade mantras'. good stuff. i recommend it! here's to a brighter future that is tender yet strong. vulnerability is a beautiful thing.

new muffin tin creations

2012-01-30T04:02:00.000-08:00

here are the four little ones i've made so far from my muffin tin soups.

first up: hope.

hope's focal is a green girl's piece with emily dickinson's words on the back; 'hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul'. that's my favorite emily quote. it's just brilliant. i also used sodalite coins and briolettes, miyuki fringe beads, amber, czech pressed heart, an art bead clasp from amanda davie, an enamelled head pin from i don't remember where, and nunn design twig connectors. this was the first one i did from my soups and i just love how it turned out!

next: when my heart is breaking

i made this pendant in my metalsmithing class. first i cut out the oval with a jewelers saw, hammered around the edges with my ballpeen hammer, stamped the words, epoxied the labradorite to the metal, then painted the words and wiped it off to leave the paint in the stamping. the words say, 'when my heart is breaking, i never leave your hands'. it's a quote from one of my favorite singers, sara groves. i used abalone, rock crystal, aquamarine, freshwater pearls, a mystery stone, brass ring, brass chain, a gaea clasp, and bronze and nickel wire. the word dangling from the bottom is 'faith'. i was excited to again use one of my own art pendants. i'm really happy with this necklace, as well.

followed by: the skeleton key

this was my third creation from the soups i made. i'm not quite as happy with this one. i expect i'll continue fiddling with it. the key is an andrew thornton creation. i added the leather around the key's middle. the circle to the left of this is made up of peanut seed beads, a technique that i picked up from heather powers' excellent book. i made all the long copper links and the large copper circle up at the top. i used russian amazonite, amazonite, filigree links, a rose link, and a gorgeous handmade toggle from cassie donlen.

lastly: lock me up

i'm also really pleased with this one, as well. it's all sterling silver. the pendants are from nina designs. i used rubies, links from dragonfly findings, freshwater pearls, amber, and a mother of pearl button.

so that's what i've made so far! this is so exciting! what are you working on that's exciting you?

muffin tin challenge--late is better than never!

2012-01-28T07:06:00.000-08:00

so i must admit that i was very intrigued by heather powers' muffin tin challenge that debued last year. but i had no muffin tins... earlier this week i found my mom's tins and i got to work, going through all my beads, looking for the perfect components. i must admit, this was a very cool way to design, working on twelve necklaces at once. i love love love what i've started out with!

i added a few more things after i took this picture, like leather around the skeleton key and some peanet seed beads to three of the cups and a few other random things.

i've already made one of the necklaces and i absolutely love it! i'm so excited about this project. it feels good to get back in the swing of things!

echo creative club

2012-01-25T09:10:00.000-08:00

i am so excited to announce to you guys that i'm part of jeannie dukic's jewelry design team for this year (!). i can hardly believe my luck. so the deal is we choose our months and then choose what components we wanted to work with. then we blog about it on the given day, and today is that day! so here goes.

i wanted to focus on a winter theme, so i chose a gin blossom in blue. when it arrived in the mail, i fell in love. it was so amazingly beautiful! i love art beads! so i put on my thinking cap, and i thought of snowflakes, so i dug through my cache, looking for ice. but i didn't want just ice. i wanted *richness*. yumminess. plummyiness. so i found some black and thought of bare branches. and what are bare branches without a few cardinals? and ice, of course. i pulled it all together but i wasn't happy, so took a few things apart, added a couple things... and loved it. it's called, 'cardinals in winter.'

i used steel and bronze wire, crystals, coral, rainbow moonstone, wooden chain, and copper, chocolate, and gunmetal chain. i've been loving the look of these industrial clasps, and i found some at jo-ann's the other day in the purse making section. always look in unexpected places and you'll find the coolest things! the briolette crystal in the copper circle is a preciosa crystal. i'm a rather biased swarovski fan, but i thought i'd give preciosa a go, and am pleased with the quality.

i had so much fun with this challenge and look forward to participating in the upcoming months.

thank you so much, jeannie, for allowing me to join in the fun! i *love* your work, and highly recommend it to everyone.

now let's go visit everybody elses blog!

Molly Alexander http://www.beautifullybrokenme.blogspot.com

Courtney Breul http://beadsbybreul.blogspot.com

Michelle Buettner http://www.MiShelDesigns.blogspot.com

Shannon Chomanczuk http://www.formysweetdaughter.blogspot.com

Cindy Cima Edwards http://www.cindycima.com

Beth Emery http://storiesbyindigoheart.blogspot.com

Kristen Stevens http://kristen-beadjourney.blogspot.com

Jeannie K Dukic http://site.jkdjewelry.com/blog

here is jeannie's website, so you, too, can own some of her gorgeous artwork!

a poem

2012-01-16T05:41:00.000-08:00

here's one i wrote last night.

grief

the pain of losing
a dream is like the death
of a child. it's deep.
deeper and darker than the ocean.
there is nothing to
breathe, nothing to hold
onto. no one understands
your pain because,
come on, it's just
an idea. a wish. a little
light inside you
dying like a firefly kept
too long in a jar.
that's it.
just a flickering
of what might have been. but
it cuts so wide
to lose it. a jagged
hungry mouth, eating
eating your joy.
it feels like there can never
be joy inside
you again. no more

dreams. no more wishes.

no more life.

it's taken ten long
years to deal
with this pain.
but i'm getting
better. i'm moving
forward again. there is
light ahead, through
this valley of shadows
and death i see
a beginning. i feel
a spark. i am so
scared, but i must
try this path set
before me, this bend
in the road. finally,
i feel again, a little
excited, a little joy.
there is hope.
hope for something
new. a simple
dream. just a little
tiny wish this time.
nothing too big
for this
fragmented
paper
heart.

my word for this year

2012-01-09T11:32:00.000-08:00

i have decided to choose a word to focus on this year instead of making resolutions that fail by the time the month ends. my word is:

transform

i'm really excited about this new word. choosing a word is a new idea for me. i've been inspired for awhile by other bloggers who do this and this year i was able to do it! so. transform. let's see what this energy brings!

new endeavor

2012-01-05T14:24:00.000-08:00

time to let you guys in on my newest endeavor.

i've been making beads. polymer clay, to be specific. and i'm going to start selling some of them. sooo. exciting and scary.

here's everything i've made so far.

and here is my little shop!

calling all bidders!

2011-12-28T23:49:00.000-08:00

to grace and cmd-- you bid on my necklace but didn't leave any way to contact you! please leave a comment on this post with your email. thanks

Artists Helping Artists

2011-12-22T05:42:00.000-08:00

Artists Helping Artists Silent Auction

Once again, several artists in the blog community have decided to come together to help a fellow artist in need.

Auction now closed
it affects us all when one of our company is visited by tragedy. i have never experienced anything like what our fellow artist is experiencing, but i want to help anyway. so i am putting up two things to bid on. sorry about the photos. it was late by the time i was able to take photos yesterday and the lighting is a bit wonky.

the first piece is entitled 'soaring', reminding the wearer to fly with your heart open, or as my niece would say, "bloom your heart open." the chain is antiqued copper, the wings are from PalomaAntigua, and the heart is Swarovski. it is 18" long. the heart is about an inch long. the wire is Parawire, antique bronze. all findings are antiqued copper. the wings in person are a bit whiter, the heart a bit lighter--more of a siam than a red magma. let's start the bidding at $15US.

the second piece is a component i made. it's copper with a lovely los patina that you can't really see in this photo. the stone is blue lace agate and the words are 'love will find a way', from one of my favorite songs. the pendant is 1 3/8"x3/4". i see it layered with a ceramic piece or a lillypilly mother of pearl component. let's start the bidding at $8US.

this auction is not available to international bidders.

the auction runs from today, december 22 to december 28 at midnight.

Would you like to be the winning bidder?

Please leave a comment along with your bid, stating 'soaring' if you want to bid for the necklace, or 'love' if you wish to bid for the pendant. If you are the winning bidder, you will receive an invoice after the close of the auction. There must be a way to contact you. If you have email preferences turned off in your profile, please leave your email.

Many people are auctioning items to help out! Please visit these other artists below and place your bid!

List of participants:

Patti Vanderbloemen

Lori Anderson

Lana Kinney and Marie Cramp

Beth Emery--you are here!

Diana Ptaszynski

Terri Wlaschin

Andrew Thornton, Nan Emmett, and Maria Richmond
www.mairedodd.blogspot.com

thank you so much for taking the time to visit my little slice of blogland. thanks for your consideration in this matter.

uninspired

2011-12-15T21:00:00.000-08:00

i have been feeling terribly uninspired lately. haven't made hardly any jewelry... and my beads call to me but... i don't know. i think it's because i've been so sick for so long. medical bills are rolling in and i'm at a loss. without my job (i had to quit because i'm so sick) i don't know where the money is going to come from. and they still don't know what's wrong with me. i'm so... frustrated, i guess. and that does not bring out the muse. i've even been having trouble reading. can't get into how their life sucks because there is too much suckage here. i hate being negative here on my blog, so i haven't been posting, but then that wears at me with guilt. argh! poor, poor bethiboo. that's what it feels like. a pity party of one. and i hate it when i get down. so. that's all i'm gonna say about it and i hope you'll forgive me for indulging. let's move on, shall we?

becca and i made a record amount at the farmer's market bazaar! and then a week later a wonderful lady who bought one of my necklaces at the watershed bazaar called and wanted to get two more necklaces she'd seen at the farmer's market bazaar! omg! so it was really great to end the season that way.

this is a piece i made in metals last year. it's sterling silver, copper, and the stones are labradorite. love that stone.

The Rabbit Muse: Time for a giveaway! Woo-hoo!

2011-12-15T19:07:00.000-08:00

The Rabbit Muse: Time for a giveaway! Woo-hoo!

2011-11-28T06:20:00.001-08:00

i sold this necklace at the watershed charter school bazaar. i thought for sure it would never sell 'cause it was really expensive. but i made it myself. cut out the sterling silver with a jeweler's saw, soldered the bezel, made the little round sterling ball, set the stones... which are dendritic quartz (the bottom stone) and prehnite. i loved this necklace! excited to sell it but sad to see it go. i can see all the little mistakes but overall i was really pleased with how it turned out. and that quartz is *amazing*, don't you think? minerals inside make the little tree. and that chain! fab chain.

can't believe it's been almost two months since i've posted. naughty, naughty me. i really enjoyed deryn's class. it's all pretty basic stuff, but i love seeing how other people do it. and the design talk was great. she had a totally different way of wrapping briolettes that i'm desperate to try. picked a pendant this morning to work with today that has a convenient spot for a drop. yay!

can't wait for christmas! i finally started my christmas shopping. i spent way too much money on beads for the girls, but it was so much fun! i hope they will like them because that's all they're getting from me this year, i think. yep. way too much money. and i know what i'm getting for everybody else, just have to make it all. which i will have plenty of time to do after our last bazaar of the season, this weekend. it's traditionally our best bazaar; farmer's market. but we're in a different spot this year so i'm really nervous. what if we're stuck in a corner? or out of the flow of traffic? the first year we did this bazaar that happened to us and we did terrible. i know our customer base has increased dramatically since then but if they don't see us... i need to chill. whatever happens is okay. it's not the end of the world if we don't do well. we'll survive and it will be okay. needed that little pep talk.

so i hope this post finds you well! happy holidays!

it hurts to win

2011-10-05T10:12:00.000-07:00

in a last minute flurry of an online giveaway i entered, sure that i wouldn't win. couldn't win. i mean, seriously, i never win anything. but fairies and moons aligned and by golly, i won! i didn't win a trifle, which would have been much appreciated. i won BIG. i won deryn mentock's build zone e-course! we're talking the mother of all giveaways; three free spots in her course. i haven't been able to start the course yet, but it's waiting patiently for me. well, maybe not too too patiently. it's calling my name! and i can't quite get to it just yet. but i'm super excited and can't. hardly. wait.

andrew thornton's september reader's challenge

2011-09-30T09:39:00.000-07:00

when i saw this month's challenge i knew i had to participate. lavender is my absolute favoritest color in the whole wide world. and twilight, andrew's inspiration, is my favorite time of day. perfection! and i'm keeping this one for me.:)

it also has some of my favorite bead artist's; c-koop enamel, humblebeads polymer, and swoondimples polymer. so much candy goodness!

as soon as i got the kit, i sat down and sketched. it took a couple tries but i got it hammered out. i'm really pleased with this design. i hope you like it, too.

twilight garden-ey goodness!

for the complete list of participant's, visit andrew's blog.

you are beautiful

2011-09-28T04:31:00.000-07:00

for the bead soup blog party go here
* * *

so i wrote a poem the other night for my nieces. thought i'd share.

you are beautiful

you are like a perfect pearl,
started from a bit of dust.
and then God lavished upon you luminous layers,
polishing you until you stood before us,
so amazing in your beauty.
you take my breath away with your beauty.

so when someone tells you
you're not pretty enough or smart
enough or whatever enough,
remember,
God built you cell by cell
millimeter by millimeter.
and sweetheart,
you can tell by nature's beauty
that God does beauty like nobody else.

you are beauty personified,
honey-child.

bead soup blog party reveal day!

2011-09-16T17:35:00.000-07:00

i am so so so thrilled to be participating in lori anderson's bead soup party for the very first time! this is my second challenge ev-er, but i'm not a newbie to beading. i got my first beads in sixth grade from my dear mama. she was garage saleing in coos bay, oregon and came across a box of beads and brought them home to me. why me and not my sister? i was into crafts and she wasn't. all my life i've tried to get my sisterinto beading, and it never took till eight years ago when she was put on bed rest for the last trimester of her first pregnancy. i was in alaska and she was in seattle and i went down to keep her company and brought along some of my beads. we're both readers but there's only so much reading you can do before it starts to pale. so she tried the beads... and loved it! yay! my favorite person in the whole wide world joined me in my love and now we own our own business selling our jewelry in fairbanks, alaska. you can visit her here. she is also in the party.

so now that you have a little history on my beading, let me introduce my soup partner, cassie donlen. she is a dear woman who is fabulously talented. she is a lampworker and metalsmith who has been published and who's site is here. her main store is here and her little store on etsy is here. she sent me these beads. aren't they completely a-maz-ing?!? she made the lampwork, the toggle, and the focal. the rest of the soup are all vintage czech. the cones are pewter.

without further ado here is what i made---

i just love how they turned out!

this was so much fun! lori worked so hard and made this a wonderful experience. i hope i'll get to do it again.

to visit the rest of the blogs visit lori anderson's blog here. have fun perusing everyone's blogs!

keys and birds--yummm

2011-09-16T06:05:00.000-07:00

i love keys. there's something magical and mysterious about them. what will they unlock? will it alter my life forever? and skeleton keys are the best. just the name of them! fab-u-lous.

i don't believe i've spoken about my obsession with birds. i've mentioned my owl thing. but not the bird thing. it's hard to put into words. but birds... birds mean freedom. they stand for the soul. they are perfection. wings... i just adore wings. they are the epitomy of everything that is good and right in the world. i have a phoenix on my left breast. it was my second tattoo. it is my heart and my soul.

the shibuichi bird in this necklace is a green girl piece. you know how obsessed i am with green girl studios. the patinated chain in both pieces are miss ficklemedia, as is the toggle in the key necklace. the box clasp in the bird piece is a nina designs. the circle link is from dragonfly findings. the stones are aquamarine, crystal, agate, freshwater pearl, turquoise, peruvian opal, beach glass, gaea ceramic, and mother-of-pearl.

end of summer dragonflies

2011-09-14T06:31:00.000-07:00

i took this photo at farmers market and then altered it on my phone in photoshop express, which is a terrifically fun app. totally recommend it.

gidget

2011-09-13T03:41:00.000-07:00

we lost our girl today. she was sick with fatty liver disease and so in pain from her arthritis. she was a good kitty.

flooding

2011-09-13T03:16:00.000-07:00

nancy schindler of round rabbit studio is in the flooded area of the midwest. i feel so bad for her! i've slowly been collecting her work and have always loved the pieces i see. she makes gorgeous porcelain pendants. i know i'm far away and can't really do anything for her but i'm praying for her.

what i should have said to my ob/gyn

2011-09-10T06:12:00.000-07:00

so what you're saying is that the nausea/vomiting is related to the happy, horrible stabbing cramping pain? it's all connected. why didn't i think of this?

adam young

2011-09-01T06:26:00.000-07:00

if you've never heard of him, you're in a very sad place. owl city has got to be my new favorite. i don't know how to embed video, so you must travel to youtube and type in 'owl city'. start with fireflies and just keep going. then head on over to amazon and buy some albums and read his bio. and cry because life just got better.

classes and abigail

2011-08-31T11:50:00.000-07:00

classes start tomorrow and i'm so nervous! i'll be attending full-time and i really want to do well, you know? wish me luck!

and today is abigail's sixth birthday. it seems to go by so fast. i'm so glad the girls are living with me, and relieved at the same time that i'm not in charge of them. i'm fine watching them for a few hours, but i'm just not ready for little ones of my own. will i ever be ready for that? maybe it's a good thing i had a hysterectomy.

andrew thornton's reader challenge

2011-08-29T21:18:00.000-07:00

aargh! i posted last night in order to get the early risers and then checked andrew's site this morning and the post wasn't there so i thought i got the date wrong so i deleted it. but i was wrong! oopsy.

but here i am, now. i had such fun with this challenge. it's my first, and i'm so glad i did it. i challenged myself to use all of the artisan-made components and something of everything else, which i managed to do. i added the leaf chain, the c-koop toggle, and the greengirls pewter bird.

i so loved the color and andrew's mystery sun component. it's very summery.

go forth and visit everybody else's blog!

Andrew Thornton
Jessica Nelson
Leslie Todd
Holly Westfall
Alice Peterson
Christine Altmiller
Cilla Watkins
Sally Russick
Beth Emery
Patty Gasparino
Jeannie Dukic
Rebecca tAnderson

oops!

2011-08-28T21:37:00.000-07:00

i posted this post last night in an attempt to get it done so the early risers would see it but apparently jumped the gun. so. my bad.

changes

2011-08-25T04:57:00.000-07:00

i quit my job at judie's yesterday. i've been thinking about it for awhile. i've just been feeling overwhelmed. i don't know what i'm going to do, really. classes. etsy. i don't know what lies ahead, but i feel like i'm on the right path.

bead soup!

2011-08-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

look what came in the mail today from my bead soup party partner, cassie! is this not *gorgeous*, *yummy*, and oh. my. god. FABULOUS!!?!?! i think i died and went to heaven and it's all beads up there!

the strand of beads over on the left were made by cassie, as well as the enamel focal and the toggle and the green spotted cabochon. the mix of beads on the right are all vintage czech. the silver cones at the back are pewter. and the chain! just look at it all! delicious!

thank you, cassie! thank you, thank you, thank you! i feel so spoiled.

and now for the wonderful playing!

the long goodnight

2011-08-17T07:14:00.000-07:00

i can feel it in my bones. in the fireweed almost gone. the leaves curling. the v's of cranes and geese.

god, i hate winter. it's just so cold in alaska! and it stays so long... the dark doesn't really bother me that much. it feels like a cocoon, kind of. embracing and gentle. but the cold... so unrelenting. so harsh. so bitter. it's painful to go outside, and that's just not right.

meet my bead soup blog partner

2011-08-13T13:09:00.000-07:00

lori anderson paired me with cassie donlen, an incredible lampworker and metalsmith. cassie has been published (!) and is a super nice lady. i feel totally lucky getting her, like i won the jackpot. i sent out her packet of beads earlier this week, so i'm hoping she got it yesterday or today. mail takes so much longer to and from alaska, and she's all the way in missouri. my half-sister lives in branson, so i have a soft spot for that state. this is one of her bracelets. gorgeous, right? lucky, lucky me!

stress

2011-08-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

my mom went into the hospital friday morning. she just couldn't breathe. turns out she has pulmonary arterial hypertension, which basically means her lungs are hardening and her heart is working extra hard to get oxygen to her body. she came home this morning. they're treating her with a boatload of meds, oxygen, and a motorized hospital bed. i'm so stressed out that i've been in a terrible amount of pain. and i've got a migraine. sucks to be me.

my mama is 72. she's aging. this time is not forever. and it so pains me to see her in pain. i want her to be with me forever. i so rely on her. she can annoy the heck out of me but i love her dearly. mamas are irreplacable. i hate to see her slipping away. and that's what this feels like.

dream

2011-08-05T15:36:00.000-07:00

i'm so pleased with how this necklace turned out. the photo doesn't do it justice, i'm afraid. the owl is from treewing studios, the dream bead is from diane hawkey. the moon is stampt metal. the clasp is a nina designs. the beads are turquoise, rutilated quartz, jasper, freshwater pearls, and swarovski crystal. i'm not sure what the blue stars are, though. the briolette is man-made sea opal. it's all sterling, except for the moon.

never lose your muchness

2011-08-03T03:33:00.000-07:00

this is one of my new pieces. i absolutely adore it. i made the pendant in metalsmithing. the cab is a tourmaline. the stones in the necklace are apatite, jade, rainbow moonstone, dragon's blood jasper, gaspite, and man-made sea opal. the chain is bayong wood and the toggle is vintaj. the quote is, of course, from alice in wonderland. "never lose your muchness." *gotta remember that.*

so sorry

2011-08-01T22:03:00.000-07:00

oh.my.gawd.

i haven't written since may, people. argh! when last we met i had fallen out of my chair at work because i was so dizzy. turns out i had a sinus infection and my thyroid was all out of whack again. that's all under control. yay!

so today i just signed up for lori anderson's bead soup party. it's my first time, so i'm totally excited. my name's on the list and everything! i'll start picking out my stuff to send as soon as i get my partner's name and check out her blog. i think i'll choose one of my metalsmithing pendants or one of my wood burned ones. can't decide.

we've been busy this summer with farmer's market, work at judies, and mondays at the cabin in pioneer park. fair is coming up. deborah is soooo excited about it. she's so cute.

i got an iphone4 with my tax return money and signed up for square so we can accept credit cards. soooo happy about that! i think our sales have gone up because of it. and i just like my phone. i've never had a cell before 'cause i hated the idea. but i love my smart phone. i can listen to pandora and check my blogs and buy stuff *anywhere*. gotta love it.

still don't have any photos of my new jewelry. it keeps selling and i wave goodbye *with no record of it*. not cool. i just don't have any time. when i'm home i'm sitting in my chair trying to recover from *summer*. but oh, how i love summer. sun! warmth! flowers!

i bought a bouquet of peonies from market on saturday and am basking in the fragrance as i write. peonies are my second favorites, after sweet peas. mmmm. flowers.

sick of being sick

2011-05-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

i've gotten everything that has come by the turnpike this winter. and now i'm so dizzy i actually fell out of my chair at work. yes. you read that right. i was leaning down to pick something up and everything went all dark and quiet and there i was. on the floor. huh.

so i'm going to the doctor. hopefully there is a simple answer, 'cause i can't go back to work if i'm gonna continue having dizzy spells. i'm a jeweler, so i work with a torch, chemicals, cutting disks... the list goes on. it's too dangerous, basically, to be falling over.

here's hoping for an ear infection.

chain

2011-05-16T05:53:00.000-07:00

i love how this chain turned out. earthy and rustic. but it needs something. don't know what. just.... something. i'll ask becca. she's very good at figuring things out. patina? verdigris? hrmmmm......

classes are over. i'm relieved yet sad. i think this semester was my last, at least for the time being. i just haven't had enough time with the girls and that means they're just a little distant. you know the saying, "quality time"? bull-honky. it's *quantity* time that matters with kids. be there when they need a bandaid. be there for the recounting of the days events. be there. just be there.

so my big project for the summer is to set up a metalsmithing studio in the garage. i think i can do it, with the income from market combined with my job. save and scrimp. no more bead purchases. no more extravagances. big things like torches! ($350) rolling mills ($500)! it would be nice to get another foredom, so we each could have one at our benches. i've figured out what i think will work for our benches. you know the gi-normous drafting table i bought seven years ago? i was thinking i could turn it so the skinny side is to the wall and then becca could have one side and i could have the other... two benches for the price of one! i'm just worried about the height of the desk and what kind of chairs to get. both becca and i have issues with our backs/necks and so the height needs to be *right*..... all the workbenches i've seen are ($350-$500!) are enormously tall with a flat work surface on top and a sweeps drawer where i want the desk top to be... am i spoiled from the desks on campus? why yes, yes i am. wonder where they got those...

i'm excited to begin this next phase. i feel like i'm on the right path. like i'm actually where i'm supposed to be. just a-walking. where is it leading? i'm interested enough to continue.

must get photos of my new work! one of the new pieces sold on saturday, the kylie parry one, with the bird by her and the nest bead by humblebeads. and i have no photo of it! so sad. must. take. photos. this week!

oh, and the sirevaag car died. so we're all sharing the truck. argh! poor becca. taxi mom.

but i've got high hopes. go slow, bethiboo. don't get disappointed. just keep on this path and listen to the birds sing. sing. sing. sing.

2011-05-01T15:03:00.000-07:00

'she not only saw the light, she became the light'

i've slowly begun collecting art beads. i need to take some photos and share.

the thing is i've been reading so many jewelry blogs where the artisans use art beads.... and magazines where the published work uses art beads.... and i've actually gotten over not being willing to spend 30 or 40 dollars on a single bead. haven't gotten past the 50 mark yet, though. and with this new art bead passion has come a new style of work. *must* take photos and share. i'm all aflutter with "new", "new", "new". and farmers market opens in a week! yay! can't hardly wait. and all the snow is mostly gone. nothing green, yet, but it's coming! the geese have arrived.... sun stays up later and later and gets up earlier and earlier.... all of which means that summer (oh, blessed summer) is coming! land of the midnight sun, shine bright on me!

2011-04-10T15:37:00.000-07:00

when i made these guys i was thinking about poppies. even though they don't look much like poppies, i still love how the turned out. yay, metalworking gods! sometimes they are friendly.

celestially obsessed

2011-04-07T06:43:00.000-07:00

i absolutely adore the night sky. moon? oh. my. god. could it be any more *perfect*?!? stars! twinkling planets! wispy clouds skudding across a full moon...

romance.

and something a little nostalgic about it. like a memory of a haunting tune.

i have a crescent moon with a girl swinging from it and three stars tattooed on my left shoulder blade. love it, love it, love it. and a sun on my right hand. which is a daytime thing, but hey. i love the daytime sky, too. not as passionately as the night.

i make it a habit to always look up when i step outside.

i like how these earrings turned out. the moon's stone is much sparklier in person. it's a blue goldstone. the star is amber. the only problem is that they're so freaking heavy. rrrrr. but i still love them.

rings

2011-04-05T10:31:00.000-07:00

i *love* rings. love making them. love wearing them. love seeing other people's. this ring is prehnite, which is a new favorite of mine. it's pretty rare, so fairly expensive and rather difficult to find. there i go again, falling for what's out of my reach....

which reminds me of a funny story. embarrassing, but funny. the guys i had crushes on growing up? gay. all of them. i didn't find out they were gay until later, mostly. still. it's weird, don't you think? i'm guessing it's some kind of protection thing. i liked the guys that were unattainable, because they were safe. nothing would ever happen, so i was free to crush on them. twisted little brain of mine.

2011-03-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

i paired this kitty in the window looking at the moon pendant with oval tiger's eye and of course didn't get a photo of it before it sold. but i was so happy with how this pendant turned out! all the pierced sawing turned out really good. yay! it's hammered brass with little wire-wrapped links up top.

the earthquake

2011-03-12T08:01:00.000-08:00

my heart goes out to japan.

the photos are so unreal. so *horrible*.

my prayers are with you.

rings

2011-03-12T07:52:00.000-08:00

this is my chaoroite ring that a wear all the time. i get lots of compliments on it. but mostly people want to know what it is. because it doesn't look real, does it? but it's totally natural! out of ground, this is what chaoroite looks like. it's from russia, and it's only found in one place; the chaoro river. i love this stone, but because it's so rare it's terribly expensive. why do i always fall in love with the stinking *expensive* stuff?! i swear, i go into a store and fall in love with the costliest item. it's a sickness.

2011-02-15T10:01:00.000-08:00

i haven't yet decided what i'm going to do with this lovely feather. i made it my second semester of metalsmithing. i was thinking about using it as a pendant, but this puppy is *huge*--like four or five inches long.... maybe on the side as a link? cuff? in the front sideways with danglies dangling?

i don't know! so many possibilities!

dream of flying

2010-12-08T17:46:00.000-08:00

i think this is my favorite painting from last semester. it's about that dream you have that you can barely remember, house and memory so small, flying above it all, sky so huge and brilliant.

she's a storm

2010-11-26T04:46:00.000-08:00

this painting is about me having the power to be a storm-maker in our house. things that i've done in the past that have hurt my family and that i'm so sorry for. the white cloud is supposed to be a tornadoe but it looks more like smoke. i suppose either interpretation works.

but there's light on the horizon! there's hope. maybe she won't destroy everything...

pills

2010-11-23T08:03:00.000-08:00

this is what is keeping me up tonight. this morning. whatever. i've been out of my sleeping pills for about a month now. my mother has kindly been letting me use hers but they do not work as well as mine. i've been trying to get them from my doctors office but the nurse has been most unhelpful. i finally called the manufacturers this morning and was like, "what's up?". they supply my meds because i am poor. oh, the tragedy of the artist. anyway. they say they sent a six month supply, enough to last me to december 8th. excuse me? where are my drugs?

so. here's what i think. it's going to sound paranoid and deranged. but, hey, i'm crazy, right? i *am* taking crazy pills: cymbalta, geodon, and seroquel. seroquel is now the crazy pill in question. the manufacturers sent those pills to the doctors office for safe keeping. i get it. i'm crazy. don't trust the crazy people. the nurse says she gave me a big honking bottle of 380 pills. a six month supply. i was given a one month supply in august, and another in september. then the manufacturers pills ran dry. the nurse said my enrollment had expired. it had, after they sent that six month supply. so she started dolling out two week supplies from the samples, all the time blaming me for not filling out the paperwork. i know. my bad. but finally i did it and now they say they can't send me any more pills because they already did. now the lightbulb goes off. or on, as the case may be. i remember seeing a pile of six bottles in *my* folder the first time i was given that first bottle of pills. the nurse says that was everybodies pills. *cough* i *am* a crazy person. i have major depressive disorder and when i'm off my meds i hear voices. not "go kill people" voices, thank you, God. it sounds like a radio out of tune. can't hear what they're saying and sometimes they play decent music but i still don't like listening to that channel. so. i take meds and i don't hear them. i am not a paranoid person. i don't think people are out to get me.

but something isn't right here. and i'm just a crazy person being taken advantage of. what the hell do i do to get the meds the manufacturers are sending to *me*?!? what do i do about this dishonest person in authority over me? God, help me get this straightened out.

nose ring whoas

2010-11-23T06:05:00.000-08:00

i love my nose ring. it's so happy! but my nose ring does not love me. the silly thing got *infected*. *on the inside*. hrmph. how disquieting. i changed jewelry cause this one was sticking out funny and then the next one popped out and i was like, "what the....". it's the dasterdley germs! so i haven't put the jewelry back so i'm gonna lose my hole (wa-la!) and now i've got an abcess or some such. antibiotics? drain the sucker? what to do? all of this comes from cooties, you know. they were right, on the playground. girls *do* have cooties. *nose* cooties.

growth

2010-11-21T17:44:00.000-08:00

for this one i was thinking about that first hint of new growth when you start doing new things and you're *just starting* to change.

all my paintings are pretty much about myself. so self-centered, i know, but that's all i really know. me. so that's where i'm coming from.

2010-11-07T10:59:00.000-08:00

here is my painting i did based on my hysterectomy. i'm so not good at painting hands. oh, well. i'm still *really* happy with how this one turned out. in class during the critique we actually started talking about the *meaning* of it, instead of just the technical aspects. yay! so i felt like it was well received.

balancing act

2010-10-17T04:19:00.000-07:00

here's a painting i did last semester. she's got a key in one hand and her heart in the other; can she balance the key to her heart? doesn't she look off balance? i really like my concept on this one, and most of the execution. i wanted her wings to look like they're not *really* there, though, and that's not coming across. also not sure of the audience. a little flat, wouldn't you say?

yesterday was the ft wainwright bazaar. i did really well! but becca only made table, so that was disappointing. we're still thinking about doing it next year, though. all the organizing ladies were really nice and we kept getting people walking by who said, "oh, i remember you guys from farmers market!" yay! people are recognizing us! and then one of the organizing ladies (sweet, sweet dawn) bought some pieces of mine and was showing them to her friends when a lady walked up and said, "two sisters!" and dawn said, "beth is my favorite sister.", and the lady said, "the other one is my favorite." (!) is that not adorable? and wow! she recognized our jewelry! the word is getting out!

owls

2010-10-11T13:15:00.000-07:00

i absolutely adore owls. there's something sort of mystical about them; solitary, nocturnal creatures with eerie calls, white feathers, creepy exorcist head turns. *love* them. my one time seeing them in the wild was about six or seven years ago. i was coming home from dropping my mom at work. it was mid-winter, completely black, and i was driving under the over-pass. i stopped at a red light and looked over at the fence between the road and the strip mall parking lot and there she was. perched on the fence. all white. completely huge. at first i thought she wasn't real but then she spread her wings and swooped away. oh. my. god. utterly magnificent! she was a snowy owl, on the outskirts of town. what was she doing so close to civilization? i think she had a message for me: look deeper for the answer to the question. i'm still reaping the benefits of that message. maybe even more so now than then.

so i keep an owl on my table for sale at all times. this particular necklace sold within three hours of being out on the table. i *loved* how it turned out. wish i could've gotten a photo of the whole thing, but alas. i kinda had to badger the lady into letting me take *one* photo of it.

lucite!

2010-08-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

here is my first order from bellas on etsy. she dips the edges of the lucite flowers in dye(!), transforming these already lovely treasures into whimsical faerie-like magic. i've already sold some of the earrings i've made with these guys. they are just soooo amazing.

i love beads!

and on that note, i am planning on going to tucson this year for the shows. so exciting! i'm pretty sure i'll be able to save enough money, if i keep $400 from every paycheck between now and the end of january. we'll see how it goes. if i don't save enough, i'll just go next year, with a giant wad of cash i've saved over the entire year. but i *really* want to go this year...

classes start soon. i'll just be taking metalsmithing, i think. i'd *really* like to take pottery, too, but i'm afraid i'll be too overwhelmed with a full-time job, metalsmithing, and two sisters.

i've started checking out fall and winter bazaars. hopefully we'll do four or five. that doesn't sound too intimidating. looks like holiday marketplace is out of the question, but we might do the ft. wainwright one. i spoke with a couple ladies who are organizing this years event and i told them about our bad experience and they said the year we tried it, all the guys were deployed and the wives were with family outside... they said this year will be *much* better, 'cause all the guys are here. soooooo... i'm willing to give it a try. we'll have to see what becca thinks.

blog maakeover!

2010-07-11T05:29:00.000-07:00

i'm getting a makeover! the same sweet lady who did becca's personal blog and our jewelry blog. yay!
so i'll going over to storiesbyindigoheart.blogspot.com. she'll switch over all my archives and do a new header and background and signature.... all kinds of good good stuff.
looking forward to it!

i love this bracelet. made it last week and sold it yesterday. isn't the clasp adorable? kinda wavey. it's amazonite and red agate.

worst. farmers. market. day. ever.

2010-07-11T05:23:00.000-07:00

so here is a photo of our worst farmers market day ever. it started out great. then the wind storm. then the thunder and lightning and torrential rain. really, the photo doesn't do it justice. then dennis, the husband of tammy, who is becca and my first farmers market friend, fell background like a board and smacked his head on the concrete. horrible sound. i was the first to get to him. he was kind of moaning and his eyes were rolling around... at first i thought he just slipped or tripped or something. but no. he had had what the doctors are now calling a *massive* heart attack. a customer came running up, saying she was a nurse practitioner, so i yielded the floor and took over tammy, who was pretty much falling apart. see, the thing is, tammy and dennis are absolutely *adorable* together. they are just totally besotted with each other, in a really cute way. he stopped breathing many times. they did cpr. it took the ambulance *twenty* freaking minutes to get their, so he went that long without enough oxygen to his brain. he was blue by the time they got there. so they put him into a coma that night and the doctors were like, 'he's not going to make it'. then the next day he started making some purposeful movements with his legs. then the next day he woke up and knew simple things and his family's names. and then he was *laughing* and telling jokes and totally himself (!). now he's campaigning to go home even though he's still in icu... tammy thinks it's because he's afraid...

all i can think is that he wasn't supposed to survive. certainly not as himself. and he had been chopping wood all by himself up on murphy dome road all day. if it had happened then... if it had to happen, it happened perfectly. just when the right people were there. still pissed off about the ambulance.

and now tammy is never going to be able to come back to farmers market. she actually came by yesterday to say thank you to everyone and she had a panic attack in the drive way.

i'm gonna miss her and her beautiful crafts and seeing her and dennis hold hands.

the new blog

2010-07-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

hi!
this is my new blog. i'm gonna switch all my archives from my old blog to here. and jill from sneakymomma. yay!

metalsmithing

2010-06-03T18:01:00.000-07:00

here's the little box i made for metalsmithing this semester. i *really* don't like making boxes. i want to make *jewelry*, not boxes. but it's required, so i guess i'll just have to suffer through it. on the way home from the previous class, my sister and i were listening to the radio and a j.j. heller song came on that i absolutely love. the first line is 'i have unanswered prayers, i have trouble i wish wasn't there' and it just struck me. wow. that is soooo me. so i stamped it on the lid of my ugly rectangular box and suddenly it wasn't so ugly anymore. yay for amazing inspiration from the universe. my wierd blogging platform is centering all my stuff today and i can't get it to stop. annoyingly justified.

2010-06-03T17:51:00.000-07:00

lorelei, here is the little bowl i thought you might like. it's teal with dark grey ashy drips throughout. the bowl has a matte/satin sheen to it and the birds are a shiny black over the matte teal glaze. it sits on three ball feet. i hope you like it as much as i do!

turquoise

2010-05-05T09:30:00.000-07:00

turquoise is my favorite stone. it's just so yummy! i made this necklace over the christmas break. love it.

farmers market starts this saturday. wow! halfway through the last week of school. whoa! i'll take pictures of all the stuff i made this semester and start sharing next week. some artbooks on the way from amazon; *yay*!!!! love love love amazon.

arrrrr, matey

2010-05-04T05:36:00.000-07:00

this is one of my favorite bracelets i've ever made. why? i'm not sure... the gothy feel to it, that happy skull and crossbones... i'm a closet skull and crossbones fan and emo-ish at heart. not sure it will ever sell, though, since my demographic for this one is so different than for the rest of my stuff....

end of semester, oh how i love thee! i got both things i entered into the student art show, which really surprised me. maybe i'll show those pieces next week, when i get them back. i'm actually pretty ready for finals... especially in painting. still got stuff to glaze and a couple things to bisque in ceramics. and a never-ending list of things i want to make in metalsmithing. i *really* missed metals over the holiday break, so i think i might go crazy this summer. so i plan to buy some copper and work on cold connections. i'll need a chasing hammer, steel bench block, letter stamps, thick copper wire... thinking about purchasing a soldering iron, so i can do a little bit of hot connections.... the project i'm having the worst luck with is my cubic box. hinges, oh how they stress me out. rrrrrrrr. i keep finding things to do *instead* of working on the stupid box. leaving it to the last minute.... stupid, stupid, stupid. so. i'll work on it first thing on wednesday.

metalsmithing: the ring issue

2010-05-03T04:24:00.000-07:00

here are most of the rings i made this semester. from left, the stones are prehnite, larimer, labradorite, and charoite. i love all of these rings. there are little things wrong with them, but overall i'm pleased. yay! getting better!

hair trials

2010-05-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

my hair has been a source of much consternation. i have had it down to my waist. i have shaved it completely off. i've dyed it within an inch of it's life; red, black, blonde, platinum, pink, chocolate... and the happiest i've ever been with it is this sweet purple, blue, and white striped confection. this isn't the best photo of the hair color, but it's the only one i've got. i also like the haircut here... what's really wierd about my hair right now is that it's turned black. it used to be auburn. is this the effect of too much coloring? or just a natural effect of aging? i've got a few grey hairs, which i don't mind at all. i wish there were more of them! my next hair experiment is dreadlocks. i'm going to get them in this summer. i've been doing research on them. they're an awful lot of work! you have to roll and twist them every day and wax them like once a week and wash them like every three days... geez. i thought it was like, they're in! leave them to it. wash them once a month. but no. *lots* of work. like, a prohibitive amount of work. and it'll take like eight hours to get them in. ouchie-wa-wa. but!!!!! i *still* want them done. i just think they're so beautiful. i'm nervous about the texture of them. i've never touched one before, and so i don't know how they will feel. i'm hoping they're soft.... not scratchy. we'll keep our fingers crossed.

nene's toes

2010-04-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

here are my little one's toes, front paws crossed, as she sleeps on my lap while we watch a movie. i have to say i adore my cat. am i good about cleaning her litter? no. but boy, is she loved. i'm sure i've mentioned before how just last year god told me that animals have souls and will be in heaven with us. well, it's been interesting to see how that knowledge has changed me. i've been able to handle better the idea of eating meat and hunting for food. fur trapping and the mistreatment of animals still sends me over the deep end... well, fur trapping is abhorent but i'm not gonna go join peta. just to let you guys know i'm not rabid. mistreatment of animals, though? whoa, don't get me started. i think there's a special place in hell for those people. anyway. i look forward to heaven where i'll spend eons hanging with the animals. meerkat manor? here i come. the pridelands? can't hold me back. and my precious lost ones: midnight, socks, persephone, cassie, baby, and becca's dearest; tiger. can't hardly wait!

lorelei's mugs (maybe)

2010-04-22T07:08:00.000-07:00

lorelei, here are the two mugs. one is a little bigger than the other. they're about the size of a regular tea cup...

memory

2010-04-22T05:39:00.000-07:00

my first piece of jewelry that i can remember was a bear paw pendant with a turquoise stone that my father gave me. it was a beautiful work of craftsmanship, made by the navajos. i lost this gorgeous piece when i was twenty one while on the trip to take my sister to grad school in texas. these events are inextricably linked, for both events were a wrench. losing my sister, who was my very best friend, was a significantly larger pain than the loss of the necklace. but i must admit that i still feel pain over that pendant. bear is my spirit animal, and i feel very strongly that my father gave bear to me, one of the most amazing, transformational, *huge* gifts that has ever been given to me.

i went without a bear paw for about ten years, looking for one sporadically. i was still mourning my loss. but then, one day, quite out of the blue, i was ready. and i found a beautiful replacement. it isn't the same as the first; it isn't as heavy or as exquisitely made as the first, but it's turquoise (my stone) and it's about the same size. so. i made a necklace and i wear it every day and i feel close to bear, again, and thankful to my father for the gift of bear.

christmas break

2009-12-27T08:53:00.000-08:00

classes are finally over! yay! got through bazaar season relatively unscathed. we didn't do as well as we did last year, which was disappointing. christmas was great, watching my two favorite girls enjoying every minute of it.

i've been making jewelry like crazy. now that i'm not channeling my creative energy into my classes, i have extra to go into the business. hopefully we'll get our etsy store up and running in the next couple of months. without the stash sending us monthly checks, it's been a little thin around here. and farmer's market is way off in the distance.

becca is trying to justify taking metalsmithing with me next semester. it's more expensive than she expected so she's juggling it all in her head. i ****really**** hope she takes it with me. i love taking classes with her.

2009-11-18T21:54:00.000-08:00

here is the pumpkin i carved this year. just one, cause i ran out of money. lame-o! i looooove carving pumpkins. but the seeds! oh, the seeds! totally my favorite part of the whole thing.

rings

2009-11-18T21:48:00.000-08:00

here are two more of the rings i've made in metalsmithing. the clear stone is moonstone and the turquoise one is chrysacolla. i really like the chrysacolla one. the moonstone not so much. but i'm getting better! yay!

the long goodnight

2009-11-09T13:57:00.000-08:00

there is finally snow here on the ground. sticking. the long goodnight.

winter bums me out. it's soooo dark. and soooo cold.

winter comforts me. it's like a cocoon, wrapping me in stillness and reflection.

i took this photo in june of this year. it reminds me to hold on. just hold on. something beautiful will come out soon.

gidget

2009-10-28T05:45:00.000-07:00

here is gidget. i took this picture this summer, when she was really sick. she had fatty liver disease, and lost about eight to ten pounds. she's all fat and sassy again, now. just throws up once and awhile and then i give her her medicine.

gidget is my cat. but in her heart, she's mama's cat. she could really care less about me, but she sleeps with mama when she's given the chance. purrs for mama, but not for me. mama says gidget is mine. gidget says different.

imagine

2009-10-19T13:24:00.000-07:00

i love these button earrings. purpley goodness.

i've been skipping classes a lot. i've been having these terrible migraines--stress, maybe? i dunno. it's just annoying.

yesterday (sunday) i went up and worked in the pottery studio. morphed bowls. five of them. i'm not especially drawn to bowls. or maybe i'm feeling a bit annui-ish. rrrrrrrr. they had the radio on when i went in. it was on npr. i *hate* npr. talk talk talk talk talk. rrrrrrrr. music! i want music! i don't really care *what kind* of music it is, (except jazz--hate jazz) as long as it's music.

hmph. how grouchy i am! so sad.

we have flu brewing in our house. abigail threw up two nights ago, i've felt nauseous for days, and now becca is sick. it's not the swine thing, thank goodness. just some ordinary run off the mill flu stuff.

abigail still hasn't woken up and it's 12:30! poor little thing. becca's in bed, too, trying to sleep. she didn't get practically any last night. so it's just me and deborah. pretty soon i have to go to class, so i'll have to wake somebody up. maybe grammy.

cats. and birds.

2009-10-04T05:44:00.000-07:00

so okay. i *love* cats. i'll be the crazy old cat lady when i'm sixty. with a twist. i'll have birds, too. because i freakin' *love* birds.

is that not wierd?!?

these cat earrings are especially winsome with all the swirls.

bizarr-o random accurance two days ago. i was on campus after classes, waiting for my sister to come pick me up. i was standing in the little foyer of the art department, staring out at the little art department parking lot when random guy walks in and says, "hey, beautiful." like, eeewwww! so i slowly turn my head to give this guy a dirty look and see that he is on the phone. YAY! he asks his love for a ride and hurries out to the parking lot, head down, embarrassement oozing off of him. so, people on cell phones; watch what you say. you could accidently start a bar fight.

metalsmithing

2009-09-30T14:57:00.000-07:00

this brass piece is my first ever metalsmithing project. see all the mistakes?
the next copper piece is my second one, same assignment. i love this one. i hope to make a pin out of it.

the next assignment was twins; cut out two pieces at the same time (taped together). the deers are my first attempt. i just love them. the birds are my second. i'm pleased with them, but i got the hole in the wrong spot, though. the butt is too heavy, so they hang funny. lame-o! both of them are sterling silver.

paintings

2009-09-30T14:46:00.000-07:00

here is the painting i'm working on in advanced painting. i'm pleased with the blue figure, except for her hair. i'm really not happy with the with the other figure's face. it's kinda creepy, ya know?

the next two pictures are done. i'm pleased with this brown haired woman's eyes. i'm really interested in peoples eyes, the most. there's just something special about them.

metalsmithing

2009-09-29T07:03:00.000-07:00

here is my first ever ring! soooooo cool!!!! so, okay, there are *tons* of things wrong with this piece, but oh. my. god. i made it! i love how simple it is. the thing that went the most wrong with this piece was when i *melted* it. it's made of two bands; an inside one and an outside one. jack (my teacher) soldered the inner ring to show me how to do, 'cause i'd never soldered before. and i've always been terrified of it. eeek! open flame! so jack showed me how to do it, and told me i had to do the outside one. i can do this. i can do this! so there i was, freaked out, with my acetylene torch and my fluxed ring. heating it up. heating it up. putting the solder on. heating it up. heating it..... oh, crap! it's red! it's *slumping*! turn off torch. dump ring in water. crap, crap, crap. show jack, who says, that's not that bad. advanced student says, "sandpaper it out." yay! salvagadgeable. is that a word? dunno. anyway. so i sanded it till the cows came home. which, of course, *thinned* the metal. hmmmmm... put the two rings together. stretched the inside band. compressed the outside band. soldered them together, and because i was the first one to get done, jack soldered one side of it for me, with the whole class looking on. so i had to do the other side. i can do this. i can do this. so i prepared my solder and then becca comes and says jake had a funny episode where he couldn't see out of one of his eyes. so i left, to get a ride home so becca could take jake to the er. on the way home jake refused to go to the er. i'm getting pissed off 'cause i had to leave my work in the middle of it.... jake's okay. just the wierd, random blindness virus, right? anyway, i went back up over the weekend (before the horrible esperanza concert; see next post) and soldered that puppy. i wasn't as scared of it the second time. i accomplished it! yay, me! so i don't especially *like* to solder, but i can do it. hopefully next time without melting my silver.

arrrr

2009-09-29T06:24:00.000-07:00

i absolutely adore these buttons. don't know why. i'm not all that deep into piratey stuff. i'm not even the hugest fan of skulls, but for some bizarre reason these just do it for me. maybe it's the juxtaposition of the cuteness of a button and the hardcoreness of the skull and crossbones.

i got my ipod all set up!!!!! it's name is sweet pea. it's already almost full up and i haven't loaded my cd collection, yet. hmmm. who knew 8G could fill up that fast?

i dropped my history of world art and feel soooooo much better. i'm not overwhelmed anymore! yay! i'll be kind to myself, instead of hitting myself over the head saying, "i'm not good enough, smart enough, *whatever* enough."

went to a concert saturday night for my art appreciation class. esperanza spaulding. going into it, i had no idea what the music was going to be like. it turned out to be jazz. oh, my god, i *hate* jazz with the passion of a thousand suns. i find it to be cacophonous and basically meaningless. and she skatted. i *hate* skat. it gets on my nerves the way high pitched squealing noises get on most peoples' nerves. i am sooo hopelessly european, with my love of the melody line. melody, oh, how do i love thee! i'm not saying that jazz is bad music, i'm just saying i don't like it. not my cup of tea. i found esperanza to be annoying; the concert started *30* minutes late--diva, anyone? the three other members of her group came out first, started playing, and then she sailed out. and she sang her intro. diva, anyone? anyone? her voice was strident and i couldn't understand half of what she was saying. urgh. all that aside, she is obviously a talented artist. i just happen to hate her work. sorry, esperanza. so i walked out. i just couldn't take another minute of her nails-on-the-chalkboard music. music? i use that term loosely, here.

button earrings

2009-09-27T11:07:00.000-07:00

love, love, love these. i started making button earrings awhile back. looked at some buttons and thought, "hey, those would make awesome earrings." so i figured out how to wire them up, added some japanese drops, and called them good. then i bought a book about using buttons in jewelry ('cause i *love* buttons) and there was my idea! almost exactly like how i did it. is that not bizarre-o? still feel smart for figuring it out on my own, though.

nene

2009-09-18T11:14:00.000-07:00

here is my precious nene, peeking at becca, who's taking the picture. that's me sitting there with no hair. i cut it all off for the summer.

classes are going strong. i've got so much work! and it's not the studio classes (painting, ceramics, and metalsmithing) that are the problem. it's my stupid art history. the professor seems to think her class is the only class we're taking. argh! i'm already behind.... i can do this! i can, i can, i can.

just a bit overwhelmed

2009-09-14T07:26:00.000-07:00

here is a small sampling of my necklaces. i really like all of these. the bird's nest has a story behind it; i've been making them and stringing them on bluish-green beaded strands. like amazonite. but then this one woman asked me to make one on a cord, because she liked the pendant, but not the beads. did she come back? hell, no! i should probably just string the thing on amazonite or such.

anyway.

classes are underway and i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. so much work! i miss sitting in my chair with no pressure.

god, please give me strength to do this task set before me. i want to succeed! i just can't do this by myself.

lame

2009-09-09T07:47:00.000-07:00

becca says these trees look disturbingly sentient, like the trees from lord of the rings. not that ents are disturbing.

anyway.

yesterday was kinda lame. in painting, all i could think about was how it's been like, four years since i painted and how i don't know how to paint anymore. the day started lame with mom driving off after dropping me off on campus. i opened the trunk to get all my stuff for painting, started to take in the first load. and she drove off.

with the trunk gate wide open.

um. mom? mama!

lame.

and then my tummy was so hungry it hurt. i ate breakfast! i swear. on tuesday and thursday i have painting from 11:30 to 2 and metalsmithing from 2 to 4:30. somehow i forgot i have to eat lunch. so i asked my painting instructor (mike) if i could eat in class, which kes (my painting professor when i was in school before) totally did not have a problem with. mike has a problem with it. oh, man. lame.

in metalsmithing jack talked about files, sandpaper and polishing. i finished my first piece! and man is it lame. i'll have to get a picture of it up here. maybe i'll turn it into a pin and hang it on the wall so i can have proof of getting better. because i *will* get better. in polishing i got the white diamond compound all over my fingernails. lame. jack said this will just be how our fingers look from now on. lame-o.

but today will be better. i hope. i woke up at four and decided to stay up. worked on drawing for the next assignment in metalsmithing. after i'm done posting, i'll read the rest of my homework for art history. and at 9:30, becca and i will go get our tent, tables, and other stuff from farmer's market since we can't set up today. we thought about trying to, but then becca remembered abigail has a well-child checkup this morning. and i can't be sure i'll be out of ceramics in time to relieved becca to go pick up deborah at 3:30. so no more wednesday markets. lame!

sunny

2009-09-06T16:23:00.000-07:00

here's the little crochet hat i designed. i've made about six of them. this is the one i've got on the table right now. it's so bright and cheerful.

new technology!

2009-09-06T16:09:00.000-07:00

i got my loan check last week and got down to some serious shopping for the upcoming semester. will be visiting prospector's for cold weather gear; hello carharts! and long johns. and heavy socks. i get sooooooo freaking cold with my thyroid out of whack that i'm worried about tromping all over campus once winter hits. i mean, i get cold enough just sitting at home.

anyway. i also bought a digital camera; a canon powershot A480. loooooove it.

and an ipod.

which i can't use. because my freaking laptop refuses to link to the internet so i can download itunes. because i have a pc. not an apple. *why* does apple have the coolest gear that won't play nice with the rest of the world?!?

it's a sexy little ipod, too. a purple nano. i swear to god i'm *not* taking the thing back to the store to get a lame little silver pc compatible mp3 player.

next semester i'm getting photoshop. can't hardly wait!

soon

2009-09-02T03:00:00.000-07:00

classes start on thursday--i'm so excited and so nervous! i haven't been able to get to sleep the past three nights, i'm so unsettled. i probably won't sleep at all tomorrow night. why isn't my sleep medication knocking me out like it's supposed to do? rrrrr

self portait

2009-08-20T02:33:00.000-07:00

here's another self portrait i did awhile back. the colors disturb now, looking back. what was i thinking? green? i'm okay with the red and oranges. that blue ground in the back is rather nice... but *green*?!? yikes. my chin is looking a bit nubular, wouldn't you say? and what is that thing on my eye? speaking of eyes, i love how these turned out.

i was wearing overalls, lying on my belly in front of my floor length mirror--what a happy composition! i like the set up. also love how the necklace is kind of the secondary focal spot, after the eyes.

done in pastels

fall

2009-08-20T02:19:00.000-07:00

it's sideways. i know. i'm desperate, you see.

i managed to delete my entire file of pictures that i've been sharing. bum. mer. so i've been scrounging around for stuff to upload. i think this is why i've been so lax lately about posting. no picture, no post, right? grrrrrr....

so it's definitely fall up here in the great north. birds flying in formation. turncoats. rain. leaves turning. people asking us at farmers market when's the last day we'll be open. wearing long johns to market! long johns, i tell you. it's ridiculous. where did my lovely summer go?

i've been crocheting up a storm. i've got like five projects in the works and so many plans! i'm afraid i won't be able to do much with it after classes start. my favorite project is a granny square skirt--i need sixty squares. i've got 25 done so far. i'm not yet sick of the whole thing, which is a good thing.

the other life

2009-08-10T10:38:00.000-07:00

i'm an australian in some deep way. the other life i could've had.

the thing is this; my parents were given a choice. alaska or australia. these opportunities were available to them after we lived in california. i was going into fourth grade, so becca and i weren't really told about the options at the time. i found out later i could've been an australian. mom was more inclined to go to australia, but we all would've had to give up our american citizenship and she wasn't too hip on that, so off to alaska we lumbered. and here i am. alaskan to the core.

but australia... it certainly is a tempting thought. who would i be if we had moved there? surely more active... skinnier? tanner? i understand that there is a bit more sexism there, as in women haven't got the same opportunities as they do in america. maybe that's false info. i don't know. i've never been, so i really can't say. i'm not even sure *where* in australia we would've gone... considering dad was a botanist/forester we probably would've lived in the bush. so we would've moved to a rather insular community that maybe didn't like newcomers. not much different than the tiny eskimo community we moved to here in alaska. maybe i would've turned out exactly the same... nature v.s. nurture, right?

the romance of another life... with no mistakes in it. *that's* what's tempting about it, really.

mnemosyne (pronounced nee-moss-y-nee)

2009-08-06T14:35:00.000-07:00

here is my beautiful nene. she weighs six pounds and is afraid of *everything*. she's nine years old, but acts like a kitten. i absolutely adore her. i've had four other kitties but none have been *mine* the way she is.

this is my one hundreth post! yay! so pleased with myself for keeping at it.

i got my loan notice in the mail yesterday; got it! so i'm definitely going to school! yay!!!!!! i'm so excited. totally looking forward to metalsmithing, painting, ceramics. not quite as siced about history of art, and totally dreading interrelations of music, art, and theatre. that one's a core class i've tried to take four times. sooooooo bad at doing things i dislike. naughty bethiboo.

off with you, then

2009-08-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

they've gone and left us.

well, only for three days.

becca, jake, and the girls have driven to denali for a camp out. i'm so jealous... but they'll be freezing their arses off while i'm in my nice cozy warm bed.

the one time i camped at denali, it rained all night. the ground was so cold i kept having to turn over to let that side of my body warm up in the air. i was not prepared for the cold. so. they go prepared with the knowledge that it's freaking cold down there.

they also have to drive through the fire; it's not actually near the road, but it *is* near nenena, which they have to drive through to get to the park. i'm gonna pray really hard that they get to see animals while they're there. the girls have seen moose, reindeer, musk ox, but no bears or caribou. keeping my fingers crossed.

i already miss them.

my pretty little flower scarf

2009-07-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

i crocheted this little scarf/necklace yesterday and today. first i made the flowers using nicki epsteins 'crochet flowers'. the leaves came from the same book. i'd publish the pattern here, but i think i'd get in trouble with the publishers. i put the pieces together four times before i got it just right. i'm really pleased with how this came out. it only took a couple hours to make, so i'm thinking about making a couple more to see if they'd sell. i'd make one for becca, but i don't think she'd wear it. not really her style.

i'm really enjoying crochet and am glad i went ahead and taught myself.

three days ago i made this giant snowflake shrug. the pattern is on crochetme.com. great site, by the way. i got to row 12 and couldn't figure out the directions--it's an advanced pattern and i'm really still just a beginner. i've only been crocheting for about five months. so i kind of made up the last few rows. stupid, i know. anyway, it came out looking good until i put it on. oops. not so good. so i'm going to make another one and take the directions to my local yarn shop and see if they can help me out. if not, i'm betting they'll know someone who can.

my mama is home! yay! the girls keep making her little presents and giving her long hugs. they refused to go to sleep last night until becca promised them grammy would go in and wake them when she got here, which wasn't until two in the morning. they've really, really missed her these few weeks she's been gone. actually, i think it's been a whole month. wow. at the end of june, she'll fly down to anchorage to get the battery replaced in her pacemaker. but she'll only be gone for two or three days. hopefully valette will be able to swing by the hospital to see her. ooooh, that makes me jealous. lot of that going around.

mama had so many stories to tell us that becca and she and i stayed up till after three talking. and boy, did i sleep in this morning. naughty me. mostly it was about the memorial service and renee and denise and andrea and aunt cary and all their kids. sooooo jealous. mama got to go to a dollar store in portland, so she came home bearing sweet little gifts. butterfly stickers and cards, a turquoise fish windchime for me, coloring books for the girls, spices, and silly snacks we can't get up here. fun stuff.

family

2009-07-16T17:35:00.000-07:00

i like how this one turned out, except for the lines next to her mouth. to dark.

mama comes home tonight! i'm so excited. she's been in oregon for her sister's memorial service. she got to spend a couple weeks with her brother. they are the last two of the five. and then she spent a day in portland with one of my cousins. i'm so jealous! i'm sooo miss these cousins, and i haven't seen them in about twelve years. their family is dear to me, and mama got to see andrea, denise, and renee at the memorial service for aunt corine, plus their mom, aunt cary, who is my mama's cousin. we just call her aunt cary because it's easier and more fitting to designate her as our aunt. mama got to meet most of their kids, too. sooooo jealous.

peonies

2009-07-14T09:51:00.000-07:00

i wrote little words all over this one. you can't really read them with this photo. stuff like memories and barrette... i like it.

i bought peonies at the farmers market last week. so beautiful! and they smelled like heaven. oh, do i love flowers. i carried them around with me until becca told me the girls were gonna knock them over. aren't i silly?

my best friend, valette, sent me the sweetest present in the mail--a beautiful multi-colored sketch book for my art classes in the fall. i'm a little afraid to use it, it's so beautiful, but i also can't wait. maybe i'll draw a picture of nene just to get me started.

have i told the story of nene's name? i don't think so. it's pronounce neenee. and her full name is mnemosyne, prounounced nee-moss-uh-nee. she's named after the greek goddess of memory, in rememberance of cassandra and baby. cassandra was the kitten becca and i got with persephone (pronounced purr-sef-uh-nee) when we lived in texas. cassie lived about three months. she was born without an immune system. we were heart broken. and baby was the tiny kitten we came upon one late, late night driving home from a party when we lived in texas. we drove past her trying to climb back up on the curb and turned around to help her up. becca placed her on the ground and i ran over and immediately picked her up. she was breathing hard, shaking. we talked and finally decided that all we could do was put her down and leave--we lived in the seminary dorms at the time and couldn't have pets. so i put her down. and she just laid there. finally i bent down to pick her up again. and she tried to run. but her little back had been broken by a passing car and her back feet dragged. by this time her mama was pacing in the distance, staring at us and her tiny baby. we decided to take her with us and call a vet and try to help her. so we apoligized to her mama and drove to the dorm. becca drove and i held baby. back at the dorm, she went upstairs to call a vet and i stayed in the lobby with baby (couldn't take her upstairs). i got paper towels to wrap her in to try to keep her warm--she was shaking, in shock. and held and talked to her. i don't remember what i said, nonsense probably. the security guard was totally sympathetic and said how glad he was that we had found her... becca was gone for about twenty minutes. finally she came down and said none of the vets would see her without at least a 100 dollar deposit. we were dead poor. but the animal shelter would put her to sleep for free. oh, dear god. we were heart broken. we wanted to save her! then becca went on to say that none of the vets thought she'd make it... so after much talk and prayer we decided to put her to sleep. by this time i knew she had fleas... and i'd fallen in love with her. so we called the shelter again and arranged to meet someone there. all this to say that nene is my reminder of two beautiful kittens, two kittens i loved with all my heart. she is the perfect reminder of these two dear ones, because i absolutely adore her. and i know baby and cassie are waiting in heaven for me, so i can be with them forever.

thank you, god, for the time i had with all the cats i've had. thank you for entrusting me with them. help me be a better steward of the treasures you give to me.

embroidery

2009-07-12T22:26:00.000-07:00

i like the red and green against each other, but it looks a bit christmas-y. hmm

just bought doodle stitching at barnes and noble. wonderful embroidery!

i embroider, and am envisioning embroidered pendants in my jewelry.... such lovely possibilities! something to dream on....

summer

2009-07-08T21:23:00.000-07:00

i like this because it's rather in your face. yes, the nose is horrible, but the eyes! the chaotic shapes of color behind her! i felt like i took a big step with this one.

it's summer. 90+. i hate being hot. but i shouldn't complain 'cause it was -60 this past winter. so i should soak this heat in like an elixer for january. what makes it worse is the smoke. there's a huge 100,000 acres fire like 50 miles away from where i sit. my sister can't breathe and we've been keeping the girls inside. of course the windows are thrown open with fans in front of them, pulling in this poisoned air. because this is alaska and houses don't have ac. over half the shops don't, either. especially the ones i go to, the little ones snugged into historic downtown houses and buildings.

as a matter of fact, i spent two hours in one of those shops this morning with deborah, my 6 year old niece, making fairies. oh the joy! there is nothing like a small room full of young girls bent over their work, crafting perfectly enchanting fairies. i was the only adult taking the class, but the teacher, jennifer, couldn't have been more gracious. and i just happen to have some of my jewelry for sale in this little adorable shop. so she recognized me and my name as a fellow artist, so that was actually kind of cool. what a lovely morning! it couldn't have gone better, unless i'd taken my sister's digital and documented the whole thing. deborah was ready to go before i was, but my sister had thoughtfully packeged up some snacks and she found some delightful dragonflies for sale to play with--i bought one for each of my nieces (at three dollars a piece it would have been a crime not to). abigail, at three, was too young to take the class, but at deborah's insistence i made one for her, as well. such a little thing, but so thoughtful, on her part. i adore these girls, even though, at times, they try my patience. as all children do.

summer

2009-07-04T04:47:00.000-07:00

this is the memory of summer i cherish; windows wide open at night, fans going in all of the rooms, light in the sky all night long... yes, i live in alaska, land of the midnight sun. little song birds chirping at three in the morning, cause it's light, and that's a perfect reason to sing. the *memory* of summer is almost as intoxicating as the actual moments... love, love, love those blissful, easy days of liquid summer.

cartoons, anyone?

2009-07-03T16:29:00.000-07:00

there is something strangely cartooney about this one. the eyes? the colors? not sure. the stupid blog is making my picture appear under the words, and it's very annoying. it started doing it like three or four posts ago and i don't like it. arrrrrr. the first thing i talk about is the picture and now that the picture is at the bottom of the post, it doesn't make sense. maybe i should save the comments till the last part of the post. rrrrrrr... not happy.

2009-07-02T15:55:00.000-07:00

i love this piece. blue freshwater pearls and my all time favorite swarovski crystals; fire opals. but it hasn't sold yet. hmm. too edgy? my color combination is a little in your face.

looking back

2009-07-02T15:50:00.000-07:00

i love her eyes looking back. nose is bad. colors; yes! blue and orange. one of my favorite combos.

2009-07-02T05:43:00.000-07:00

yesterday at farmer's market i reached a milestone.

i sold a $100 necklace!!!!! it was turquoise and coral, just beautiful. i kept the matching bracelet and wear it all the time. now it will remind me of this awesome occasion.

woot, woot!

tilted

2009-07-02T05:40:00.000-07:00

i like this purple and sagey green combo. love how it turned out. necks a little weird, but it's okay.

2009-06-30T13:45:00.000-07:00

supposed to be two people in bed--their legs and one of their feet. didn't turn out so hot. oh, well. i guess i can't win them all.

i got sucked in by a mystery shopper scam last may; they sent me $4,ooo check. i was supposed to spend some of the money at a local store, report the experience and send the rest by money order to investigate that service. everybody in the house checked out the letter and said it sounded legit. cough, cough. i spent the money at the local store and went to send the money order, but when i got to the store, i realized i'd left the 3,500 at home. so i went home to get it and there was a message from my bank saying the check had bounced. thank you, god, i didn't have that money with me! so i contacted the mystery shopper company and they said they'd mail a cashier's check that day. waited two weeks. no check. called again. no answer. i called all that day, and by the end of that day, there was a message stating that number was no longer in service. ah, ha. so i called the fbi. i know. the fbi! my sister's husband told me to do it. and the guy was so nice! and understanding. yes, this was a scam. thank goodness you didn't send the money. it was a brand new scam, so it hadn't been reported yet. yay! i'm the first! uh, yeah. not so cool. anyway. i took the money and gave it to the bank. but the other five hundred was just gone. so.

now i owe the bank something like seven hundred from interest. and i can't get a checking account anywhere else without paying for this deficit. i feel so stupid! yes, it can happen to you.